Monday, October 17, 2016

You may not understand, but I do

Hi friend!

I've been tossing this idea around for a while and decided to put pen to paper..rather fingers to keyboard, same difference. I haven't written about relationships in a while because, well frankly, Haven't needed to. But recent conversations have really got me thinking about my past and present (and future!) relationships.

In short, I'm tired of getting it wrong. So FUCKING tired. Sorry about the ALL CAPS  rage there, but I really am. Life's to short to drink crappy coffee and cry over boys who don't care, my new life motto. The unfortunate side of this motto is that I've not built a structure higher than the great wall of china around my heart; because frankly, I can\t afford to let anyone else in. I mean, how many times can you stitch your heart back together? depending on how brave you are and how much of a romantic dreamer, the answer is unlimited. And what we have here, is dreamer. I'll say time and time again that I'm not doing this again and then a sweet boy with a nice car comes along and hits me like a tornado propelled bumble bee..right in the feels!!

At what point does someone come along that is just as tired as you? When do the games stop? when can we meet someone who isn't hiding the fact that they really aren't over their ex? When am i going to stop being afraid and just let my fucking attitude down? The day I find the one who is just as tired of getting it wrong as me, would be the obvious answer.

To be real for a minute; I'm tired, friend. I don't want games. I don't want boys who don't know what they want out of life. I want real. I want someone to just stop playing games and stop being afraid to tell me the truth about what you want with me. I crave an old school love; which is a special kind of hell in this "hook up" society. It truly is a fucking joke we make out of love, and no one takes it serious.  Hearing about side chicks and men bombarding women with "Come sit on my face" messages has turned the real thing into an unattainable goal.Its almost scary to have to make that decision to start all over again. But I's something I find that describes me perfectly.

"I don't think you get it. Her guard is up but that's what naturally happens when you've loved with a heart so free & ended up in shackles behind the bars of betrayal. I don't think you understand that shes just trying to protect her heart from further damage. The women who seem hardest to love, often deserve it the most. You may not understand, but I do."

Case and point: I know what I want and will not settle for anything else. After all, I know what I bring to the table so trust me when I say, I'm not afraid to eat alone.

Love, Laura xoxo

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