Monday, March 13, 2017

Magnificent Transformation: mental gains in a mental game

Hello person reading this; you are so kind to take the time to read my thoughts. I figured to go in tandem with my last blog, this one wasn’t too far off! While I continue to still learn amazing things every day; the old adage  “what comes up, must come down” is still true.

Weight-loss is bullshit. It’s so god damn exhausting with the constant pushing yourself, having to think about EVERY SINGLE THING YOU EAT and struggling to not eat an entire jumbo size bag of smart pop. I’m one of the chosen ones by the universe that DOES have to carefully consider what I eat, how I eat it, when I work out (WHAT I work out) in order to not put these lost pounds back on. It’s such a mental game. And unless you are over-weight, you will NOT understand this. It’s so damn easy for people to say “oh just eat less” or “go to the gym more”. If it was THAT god damn easy, don’t you think we’d all be Victoria Secret models by now? To these people I say “for YOU, its easy”. You DO NOT have 31 years of bad habits under your belt! Think of how easy it is to change even the smallest part of who you are, and you will understand the struggle to change your ENTIRE life. We are bombarded by tasty foods in every facet of our life; Social media, TV, walking down the street, my co-workers delicious spicy chicken burger..and the list goes on.

If I could stop eating all together I would. It’s an addiction, straight up. Unfortunately we need to eat to live and make sure we do things like not murdering our neighbor when their dog won’t stop barking. How successful would an alcoholic be if they could just have ONE DRINK per day? I challenge you to say, not very. It takes work to change your mindset to food being fuel and not a constant void filler, or distraction. The way I am currently doing things is working for me; I meal prep and track on “myfitnesspal” app. This is not for everyone and I’ve heard people’s opinions. The problem with people’s opinions is that I don’t give a fuck about them. This works for me. I’m changing my life for ME. I’m extending my life for ME. Weight loss is an individual battle and I am doing it in a way that works well for me and I’ve seen solid and positive results and would never tell anyone HOW to do it and would encourage someone to start at their own pace and decide what works for them and go with it!

I am still a baby in this game but look forward to what the future holds and like anything in life, excited to learn and re-teach myself a new lifestyle. Its hard, and frustrating and moments when you want to give up are the times  you need to work the hardest. I’ve sweat more than I ever have, make ugly faces during that last rep at the gym, tell myself to “stop being a little bitch” when I think I can’t do ONE MORE bicept curl (I always can) and have broken more nails than I’d like….all in all, I’d not change a damn thing.

“When you look in the mirror and see no change, still keep faith knowing that in time you will get there if you stay focused and on track; that’s the difference between those who succeed and those who fail”

Love, Laura xoxox

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Magnificent Transformation: What I've learned so far..

Hello again!!

(Again..I act like I haven’t blogged in months..ha!)

How’ve you been? I’ve been great thanks! ..No really I have been! As some of you may or may not know, I’ve been on a “reducing plan” or “lifestyle change” as I like to refer to it as. For the simple folk; a weight loss kick (by kick I mean, in the butt as this is long over-due). I started January 2nd, 2017 and while I didn’t consider myself a resolutioner, a kind stranger at the gym reminder me I was..while telling me I should be proud for keeping up with my promise to myself. But thanks to that creepy stranger, I started thinking how proud I actually am for keeping at it! It has only been a month but my progress has been very positive and keeps me going.

Anyways, the point of this recent blog was not so much to point out that I am indeed making a life change but to tell you 5 main things I’ve learned in just once month of doing this. (I’ve actually learned SO much but these main ones keep me going). Here goes…

1)      Water. Oh my god so much water. Pretty sure people at work think I have a god damn disease form going to the bathroom so much but its so necessary! Whether its revving up the organs in the morning or combating the salt from your cheat meal burger at 5 guys…I cannot get enough!

2)      Tracking. I use “Myfitnesspal” app for the phone and it’s a life saver.  After inputting my height/weight/gender and goals it auto-calculates what my caloric intake should be and provides as a great way to track what I’m eating and makes sure I’m maintaining my goals. (It’s also a GREAT way to stay accountable!)

3)      Gym. I actually really enjoy the gym! People are happiest there and I love taking classes! I enjoy seeing the small changes that have happened so far and what it does to me mentally is so huge! Some days its more therapy than anything.

4)      Food. This is my BIGGEST struggle. But thanks to the age of the internet and Pinterest, I’ve been able to transform my once unhealthy daemons into healthier alternatives. Exampe; spaghetti squash is my new pasta and frozen yogurt bites is my new ice cream!

5)      Support. This is probably the most obviously important one; something I didn’t realize until I received it. Finding someone that is on the same journey as you and has the same struggles with late night chicken mcnuggets is great! Bouncing ideas off each other and being able to voice without judgement is refreshing and getting that “you’re doing so great babe” makes my existence and terminal leg day pain all seem worth it.

In short, this is what I’ve learned and will continue to take with me along this journey. I’m enjoying the little victories and truly take it one pound at a time. I could’ve spent time creating excuses and “I’ll start tomorrow’s” but we all know that never happens; the time will pass anyways. All I did was START and its been one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life…

Love, Laura xoxox

Monday, October 17, 2016

You may not understand, but I do

Hi friend!

I've been tossing this idea around for a while and decided to put pen to paper..rather fingers to keyboard, same difference. I haven't written about relationships in a while because, well frankly, Haven't needed to. But recent conversations have really got me thinking about my past and present (and future!) relationships.

In short, I'm tired of getting it wrong. So FUCKING tired. Sorry about the ALL CAPS  rage there, but I really am. Life's to short to drink crappy coffee and cry over boys who don't care, my new life motto. The unfortunate side of this motto is that I've not built a structure higher than the great wall of china around my heart; because frankly, I can\t afford to let anyone else in. I mean, how many times can you stitch your heart back together? depending on how brave you are and how much of a romantic dreamer, the answer is unlimited. And what we have here, is dreamer. I'll say time and time again that I'm not doing this again and then a sweet boy with a nice car comes along and hits me like a tornado propelled bumble bee..right in the feels!!

At what point does someone come along that is just as tired as you? When do the games stop? when can we meet someone who isn't hiding the fact that they really aren't over their ex? When am i going to stop being afraid and just let my fucking attitude down? The day I find the one who is just as tired of getting it wrong as me, would be the obvious answer.

To be real for a minute; I'm tired, friend. I don't want games. I don't want boys who don't know what they want out of life. I want real. I want someone to just stop playing games and stop being afraid to tell me the truth about what you want with me. I crave an old school love; which is a special kind of hell in this "hook up" society. It truly is a fucking joke we make out of love, and no one takes it serious.  Hearing about side chicks and men bombarding women with "Come sit on my face" messages has turned the real thing into an unattainable goal.Its almost scary to have to make that decision to start all over again. But I's something I find that describes me perfectly.

"I don't think you get it. Her guard is up but that's what naturally happens when you've loved with a heart so free & ended up in shackles behind the bars of betrayal. I don't think you understand that shes just trying to protect her heart from further damage. The women who seem hardest to love, often deserve it the most. You may not understand, but I do."

Case and point: I know what I want and will not settle for anything else. After all, I know what I bring to the table so trust me when I say, I'm not afraid to eat alone.

Love, Laura xoxo

Monday, September 19, 2016

My decision to live a child-free life

       Oh hi..didn’t see you there. It’s been a minute since I’ve blogged..anything really! Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans..or whatever that dumb saying is. ANYWAY, this is one of the most controversial topics I think I’ve ever discussed. I’ve also not shared this with anyone except my other, sorry not sorry to my friends and family.

       Confession: I’m a 31 year old woman (this is not the confession), and I have made the decision to not have kids. *Pause for reaction*

        Last I checked, I have NO obligation nor do I owe anyone an apology for making this monumental life choice. I have been thinking about this for a long time and it wasn’t a decision easily made over night. It may come as a shock because I always seemed like I wanted kids and am that “mother type”; sadly I am not. Some might say I am selfish for making this decision, but is it selfish that I only have ONE life and can chose to live it HOW I want? Make my own decisions about things? Design my life how I want it to be? People who know me, know I live my life in a YOLO fashion and love the spontaneity that life can bring. Sorry I took off to Vancouver for the weekend with my man while you were taking your sticky child to their soccer/hockey/anime convention.

       To take a dark turn; some people know, some don’t. I have been a victim of miscarriage in the past. It was the most traumatic event of my life and changed me more than anything ever could. I am VERY compassionate and empathetic towards any woman who has gone through this and FAR too many women keep it a secret. I did for a long time and was so ashamed of my body and the fact that I couldn’t create something that I should be able to do easily. As it turns out, I have a sort of “birth defect”. My body cannot hold the weight of a fetus and tears open around 14-16 weeks; yes it was extremely painful and yes I saw everything that no person should EVER see in this life time. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of that. This, however, is not the reason I made my decision to live a child-free life, just to be clear.

       Coming to this decision was not an easy one. I guess growing up your whole life, your told that that’s just the order of things. You find a partner, get married and have kids. Simple. But why? Kids are great in small doses and don’t take this as me bashing all kids and I’m going around calling them sticky assholes all the time. They are a gift and at the end of every day, you love them so much you feel like you might die. I feel the same way about the new red lipstick I just bought from Urban Decay. Kids..Lipstick..same difference. To sum this up reader; women (and men) should be able to choose. I choose to design my life as I see fit; you choose to fill your life with love and a guarantee that you will never be alone. People will say “oh you’ll change your mind” or “what if you regret it?” or “Oh but you’d make SUCH a great mom”…I’d also make a great serial killer but no one talks about that because it’s scary and shocking. Much like having a child. I am choosing this life because it is MINE. Regrets? Maybe.

..but I’ll take my chances.

Love, Laura xoxo

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Tales of an ex-party girl..

Hi Hello!

If you've read my past blog entries you know I've said "Its been a while since I've posted.." but it has really..REALLY been a while. Well over a year, honestly. I've had some ideas kicking through my mind lately and figured I'd like to get back into it!

So as you see from the title, I was indeed a self-made "party girl"- however this is not about wild stories and/or drunken much as you'd like to hear those stories, they are locked in a vault never to to be seen/heard/told or perhaps mimed..if you will, ever again. More so, my search for more peace and less noise.

I've spent the last 12 years of my life periodically partying. The last 3 years however, have been the most crazy. Between the bars, boys (sorry ma') and booze, I was on top of the world. Minimal hours of sleep, copious amounts of coffee, clutched like a wide-eyed owl to a mouse on my morning commute and a head full of bad (yet so good) decisions. A line from a great song reads, "Cigarettes and tiny liquor bottles, just what you'd expect inside her new Balenciaga" about sums up my life back then. Sleep was for the dead and midnight was when things just started to get good. 6 am rolled around and I'd think, "well I SHOULD get some something with my life tomorrow", but I never did. My life consisted of sleeping the day away (or working) and then back to it that night.

I began hanging out with like-minded people and it was downhill from there. These relationships only existed based on the fact that we partied together and had no substance; you begin hanging out with old friends less and less because they're "not on your level" any-more...which is heart-breaking if you really think about it. I remember I posted a picture on Instagram with the caption "First meal in 24 hours #partyingisoutofcontrol"..someone should posted "y'all need Jesus" under the picture.

While I'm not an image of sobriety (I'm definitely not) I still enjoy a couple glasses of wine once in a while or I'll have a few on the weekend but "drunk Laura" is a rare occurrence these days. So rare in fact that I was sober on New years, which if you know me, you'd ask yourself if you were in a twilight zone?! Mostly I was tired of the "hang over"; I've never had one before but what I mean is the memories, the loose lips and remembering things I said or did and shuttering with embarassment. I am tired of the "party people" and the shallow conversations and craziness...most of all, the mess to clean up the next day. I wake up clear headed and can actually do things in the morning; in fact I will purposely schedule things in the morning to ensure I avoid any random whiskey excursions.

In Conclusion, If you happen to see me out or are in my home and we are having a time, know it was well thought out and planned and I'll still most likely be in bed by 12am (hell 11:30pm these days). This gals party days are behind her and it was great while it lasted; definitely with NO regrets. 30 is the new sober in my books and while, I'll "turn up" as the kids say, every now and then, I am completely happy with my decision...and I'm sure my liver thanks me.

Love, Laura xoxo

Friday, November 21, 2014

You're allowed to Love yourself, I Promise.

Well hello..

Its been SO long since I've blogged; I literally cannot remember the last time I did. I've had some ideas come to fruition but am without my laptop at the that's pretty much my excuse, deal with it.

I've had this idea for a while, and I originally go it from a post I read called " Things no one will tell fat girls, so I will..". There was a particular part that stuck out to me called "You're allowed to Love yourself. I promise". Now, at first, I was like...well of course...everyone should love themselves...and love you, etc. But then I carried on living my life and didn't think about it again...until recently. Anyone who knows me, knows I am pretty confidant. I 'm genuinely happy with who I am and anything I am not happy with..I've changed. I don't think I am beautiful, despite my body..I am beautiful BECAUSE of it.

Anyways, I digress. I got to thinking about how hard it has been over the years to FULLY accept my physical appearance. I seem to accept it just fine, its other people who seem to have a problem with it. And I'm not just talking about "fat girls"...even men who aren't perfect have the same problem. Why should we feel ashamed for loving ourselves?? Its like there's some unwritten rule stating, anyone who's not built like an Olympic gymnast should not be allowed to love their body. Its like you have to keep it a secret, for fear of being shunned if you walk around with *dare I say* your head held high, ENJOYING your uniqueness!

I have not-to-recently been following a ridiculously beautiful plus-seized model, Tess Munster. She preaches about body confidence and hash tags all of her pictures with "#effyourbeautystandards", to which I applaud her. She isn't your usual "size 12 Plus-size" model (those are just normal looking women) shes a LEGIT big girl...and shes fucking beautiful, she makes me jealous..seriously. I've seen her in interviews and YouTube videos and I also follow her on Instagram and she travels around the states doing "tours", in which she invites women of ALL sizes to meet her and take part in "pin-up" photo-shoots. She is NOT only a plus sized advocate, but women who are sometimes criticized for being TOO skinny. Sure, she gets the haters; people preach to her about being healthy, losing weight, etc., but she's pretty quick to ignore it and carry on her inspiring words.

On a related topic, why the HELL can't we all just drop the bull-shit and just be happy with ourselves. Instead of the constant body obsessing? I feel like it would be a huge weight off some peoples shoulders if you just stop fighting and start appreciating. I have the most beautiful friends, and sometimes they ask me how I am so confidant? my immediate response is, "look at this face. And you tell me..". I'm kidding, seriously though, its just part of my routine. I HAVE to love myself; I live by the old adage that "if you don't love yourself, how do you expect anyone else too?" and for that matter what the HELL is it anyone else's business HOW I feel about myself? Is it affecting their life in anyways? I somehow doubt it...

Bottom line, my beautiful friend; you MUST love yourself. Or learn to. There are FAR too many people walking this earth who are uncomfortable in their own skin. Life is so god damn you really want to live your life hating yourself??? If you don't like it, change it...stop complaining. OR learn to love yourself. I am not saying this is going to happen over night; its as simple as looking at yourself every morning and saying "Good Morning Beautiful" (I just gave away my secret..), which is a great way to start. Instead of looking at yourself in the mirror seeing flaws..start picking out things you like about your matter how small they are. In the words of Oscar Wilde "To love oneself, is the beginning of a lifelong romance".
Love, Laura

Friday, August 29, 2014

Done with great love; I'm back to great lovers.

Hello my loves!

It has been FAR too long since I’ve blogged anything. And to be honest, I am writing this at work. Hay, its long weekend Friday…I have no use for work…or pants for that matter, yet here we are. ANYWAYS, the reason for the season AKA the blog. I have been taking a break from the blogging to do some “vlogging” since it’s much easier to walk around and just talk. BUT, I didn’t want to just sit in front of the camera and talk about this crap, since that would be too long and my OWN boredom would’ve kicked it..

Single Life. Honestly…I never thought I’d be in this situation at this moment. To tell you the truth; I’ve NEVER been happier. I haven’t been single for close to 10 years, believe it or not. I kind of went from one relationship to the next, but yet I do not regret any of it. I learned a lot of who I was and what I REALLY wanted out of my life..and from a significant other. MORE so, they taught me about what I DON’T want. I would’ve never sit here and bad mouth, because that’s not my style and I was with them for my own reasons. At the end of the day, I am glad it happened, BUT, ask me about it on a different day and I might have a different answer. While most people don’t understand, this last one took a lot out of me. I put way more of myself into it than was deserved, and was left empty handed. I saw this quote on Pinterest and it couldn’t have been MORE true (I also posted it on Instagram!):

“I could feel my insides sink. My knees too. So I sat on the ground, against the wall, letting it support me. I thought I knew what heartbreak felt like. I thought heartbreak was me, eating by myself at a famous cafĂ© in the city. That was nothing. This, this was heartbreak. The pain in your chest, the ache behind your eyes. The knowing that things will never be the same again. It’s all relative, I suppose. You think you know Love, you think you know real pain, but you don’t. You don’t know anything.”

Enough about that. The reason for this blog, was my current dating experiences. I would never name, names or call anyone out. But I assure you…it has been interesting. I still feel strange going out on dates…or even getting hit on! Sometimes it dawns on me at weird times, like “damn, I CAN smile at that cute stranger in the Tim Horton’s line..”. I have met a few true “gems” and some real “5 stage clingers”, but I have met a select few I choose to keep around. I find myself being REALLY picky. I have high standards, and honestly…if ya don’t measure up, chances are you won’t be hearing from me again. Without names, I have sat across from someone on a dinner date (WORST DATES EVER) and been completely disgusted with them (I have a good poker face). I’ve also just hung out watching a movie and had an awesome time.

At this point in time, I really have no interest in going into a full on relationship with anyone. I am really enjoying the dating game and getting to know different people. Some people I meet are tired of the chase and tired of dating, and I’m sure I’ll get to that point someday. But that day is nottoday. I enjoy the idea of not being defined by another person and am free to live my life how I choose…and dammit, I feel happy that I only have to think about myself FOR ONCE. I feel more myself now, than I have in a long time. It’s so refreshing to know I can make plans without the concern for another person. I enjoy my solitude so much as well;“My alone feels so good, that I’ll only be with you if you are sweeter than my solitude”.

On a final note, my beautiful friend; I am happy. Happy being free, and it’s going to take someone amazing to change that. Here’s to having standards higher than our heels!!

Love, Laura xoxox