It has been FAR too long since I've blogged and I have had So many things to write about. Since its the beginning of a fresh new year, I'll let you in on my 'New Years Resolution'. I have never publicly talked about this until now...mostly because I was having a hard time describing it into words; only making sense in my own head. My resolution was to start finding peace within my self...read on.
Let me paint you a Birmingham..
I was ALWAYS the type of person who SEEMED calm on the outside, but inside I am freaking the FUCK out. I was a constant ball of anxiety and spent Far too much time planning my future, then when it wouldn't go EXACTLY as planned, I'd lose my mind. In reality, WHEN do plans ever go exactly as planned? hardly ever. That's just one example; another is that I constantly spent time predicting negative behavior from other people and when what I predicted DID transpire negatively, I'd REALLY loose my shit thinking "Of course that happened...what else." I've also spent a lot of time thinking back on past situations (negative usually) and irritating myself and setting off my mood for the rest of the day; I spent A LOT of time doing that, as my job is pretty chill...my clients usually sleep which leaves me TOO much time to think usually.
SO, it wasn't until talking to one of my clients about all this, that it dawned on me how much of a problem this can be on my emotional and mental health. I preach about living a peaceful/ drama free life, but couldn't seem to get there myself. She said one sentence that seemed to change my whole perspective on things:
"..You have to think to yourself, if there anything hurting me in THIS moment?"At first I was like, well of course not. But later on, I got to really thinking about it (..after she fell asleep...) and Ive seen the quote about "if you're anxious, you're living in the future...something about past...blah" (I cannot remember it exactly) but it FINALLY made some sense to me! I spend so much time living in the future that I cannot enjoy right NOW. I'm letting things BEYOND my control bother me, I'm thinking back to old bullshit and ALLOWING it to irritate me all over again. She gave me a good example.
"when people are stuck in traffic, its rarely the traffic that is making them angry. Its the fact they have so much time to sit and think, and they thinking back to things that piss them off; old arguments/bad situations..."This was exactly what I was doing. Long story short, its a hard habit to break but I have to work at it everyday. EVERY TIME, start to think back to old things or predict someones negative behavior and feel anger...i simple say "Is ANYTHING hurting you right in this moment?"..100% of the time, nothing is.
This may not make sense to a lot of people, but I feel so much better these days. More peaceful and much more living in the moment, which is what life is about.
Love, Laura xoxox