Thursday, May 23, 2013
When is compromise...compromising?
Good evening my reader!
Its seriously been a while since I've blogged ANYTHING, but I've been a busy mamacita! Anyways, getting right into it, when does the art of compromise, become compromising?
I've been really thinking about this lately. When we begin new relationships, there is always a little give and take. No one is perfect, although both parties SEEM to be in the honeymoon stage, until BAM! 3-4 months in...you both reveal your true selves. Now I'm not speaking from experience here (or maybe I am...you shall never know..) but after the 'glitz and glamour' of the new relationship fades away like Paris Hilton's singing career..things take an..interesting turn.
I call this little "turn-pike" GROWING PAINS. Anyone who has moved in with someone knows what I am talking about. Lovey and dovey it begins..both SO happy to be living with each other, wake-up together, cuddle while the sun is going down..frequent sexy-time (sorry ma'). Then all of a sudden BOOM! Huge explosive mess of each others personalities finally show! Imagine throwing 2 buckets of paint at a wall- that's the mess I am talking about. One reveals their love of down-time, relaxation, early bed-time during the week. And the other reveals their true love of staying out at all hours, noise-complaint inducing music, and partying like the rock-star they truly are! Now, its NOT like either party "hide" these parts...they just kept them in a dark corner, like a caged animal ready to be freed from the chains.
So, you begin to compromise with each others lives. OK we relax a bit for you tonight, and I'll go out and party-hearty the next night..and maybe the next night..deal? OK! Meanwhile, the "relaxer" isn't necessarily happy with all these decisions. BUT at the same time, neither is the rock star (what the HELL is relaxation????!! she will say..or he..HA!) At this point, it can become compromising. Doing things JUST to appease the other person, making deals, bribes, promises you don't intend to keep...which in turn leaves someone unhappy and eventually leading to a life of resentment..possibly HATE. I believe the art of compromise can become compromising, when your just doing everything to appease the other person. You should never say yes to someone, while saying no to yourself. Stand your ground, grow a set and let the other person know when they're ass is PUSHING it..
Every relationship is different. When you move on from a past one, into a new one, you can never expect it to be the same...you're not with the same person anymore, correct? Being a true Leo, I have a VERY hard-time compromising. I feel it should be MY way or NO way...but as the days go on, I am learning compromise is not a negative thing. Its letting both parties get a little of what each other wants, and allows you to both move on and come to a decision. I can promise you (if you are going through these growing pains..) it gets better. you move past the 3-4 month itch, and things just get easier. You get into a better routine and finally start to relax a little...this goes for BOTH people. And trust me when I say, it helps to have those growing pains. You learn different things about each other, since after all, if things were PERFECT all the time..frankly, I'd be worried...as I am not a step-ford wife (FAR from).