So I'm into the vodka..sitting in bed, other half is
having a chit-chat with an old friend, and it's about 8:30..give
er' take..
I decide to blog..about what you might ask? I have no
idea..the bitch writing this is drunk. But seriously though, I do have an idea
for this blog..lets see if I find it along the way. But first a sip from my
secret lover...mmm OK where was I..OH! I found it! My idea was about walls..and
why we put them up. Anyone who has had the enormous pleasure of getting to
REALLY know me, knows I have a huge heart. In extremely sensitive, caring,
romantic, over-thinker and constantly have a million things on my mind. But on
the outside, (and to people are not close to me..yet..) I seem cold,
thoughtless and I come across as very aggressive and arrogant. My arrogance has
always been my best defense mechanism..that, and sarcasm. I've used it too keep
people as a safe distance..for fear of them getting to know me, and hating me.
THAT, is a truth I've never said out loud (or you've read.. In your mind).
Having said all that, WHY, my reader, do we put there
walls up? To see who cares enough to knock them down? To never feel vulnerable?
There is SO many beautiful things that we hide away out of fear..but it's the
beautiful things that make us who we are..and the reason why people love us SO
much. Why can't we let them in? For me..I fear judgment and rejection. I like
to feel like I always have the upper hand and am one tough bitch (which I am),
but sometimes I get tired of that. Sometimes I just want to take that mask off
and be real. Cry, show my battle scars, and not worry about one.damn.thing.
Ah well, that's enough vodka-talk for one night. On the
flip side, you ever want to REALLY get to know me? Drink with me, and I promise
to tell you EVERYTHING...just ask my co-workers. Screaming "sometimes you
just want to fuck, you know what I mean?" While your drinking with them,
can and WILL follow you through the rest of your career...(I was in the midst
of a break up, OK? and drinking straight vodka..) keep that in mind and learn
from your pal, Laura.
Love, laura xoxox
